ATHENIAN DARTS

I know everyone who comes to my Wednesday night poker game. Some people I'm familiar with more than others. I found out that one of them threw the javelin in college.
On my personal ranking of things to do with one's time, that ranks just in between jazz piano and professional golf. It's in the top ten -- in any case.
So we come to a showdown where I shove everything all in pre-flop and he calls me for about $25. I'm confident today. My Q8 might hold up, I thought.
"Have you ever played Athenian darts," I asked.
"What's that?"
"it's a cross between darts and the javelin. It's played outdoors. Players stand forty yards away from a dartboard the size of a ferris wheel and throw javelins at it."
"Bullshit," he said.
"No -- seriously -- it's big in Australia. There was a big movement to get it in the 1956 Melbourne Olympics."
He just looked at me -- with eyes like a badly bred dog. No laugh, no grin, no response -- nothing.
I was glad to take down the hand, but the win was like aerosol cheese -- tasty, but artificial and lacking the genuine fulfillment that comes with the real thing.

LOSS

My friend Jason that I grew up with died overseas on March 15th -- I just found out today. He's about five years younger than I am and the first memory I have of him was in his parents' kitchen, with a radio on talking about New Orleans traffic, his asking question after question about the traffic report, with his mother answering patiently and his big sister telling him to shut up and everyone eating cereal with plastic spoons and styrofoam bowls because that's how we rolled in '79.
I have some questions.
What is mankind's place in the universe? To search for & create truth and beauty. What is truth? Truth is what works. What is beauty? The appearance of truth in art. How can I apply that to my life? Recognize that form follows function. When does a boy become a man? It's when he gets a taste for women. When does a man become a grown man? It's when he refines his taste in women. How do you know how well a man sees himself? Look at the woman he's with. How can you tell how a woman feels about herself? You can't.
When did civilization end? Allan Bloom said that happened when Schubert died. Maybe it ended when Jim's diner did away with its smoking section. Anyone who knows Jason understands that it ended on March 15th.
What are the most important qualities in a man?
Jason was a speedbump on my road to poker glory. He never appreciated my game. The last time I played with him was in 2007 in Tunica over labor day weekend. He won more than I did.
Jason had his own lexicon in poker and in life. Like, the sentence "Goat took me for a single with two stinky berries uptown." was a actual remark from Jason in ordinary conversation from that Tunica weekend. In standard English, that translates to "I lost $100 in a hand to a guy who drew a runner-runner heart flush". His opponent was just an acquaintance ("goat") -- the opponent wasn't a really good friend since he wasn't given the status of "dog". The heart suit is the "berry" suit, and anything that happens post-flop happens "uptown".
We were little kids with my parents way back -- watching the Edwin Edwards Baton Rouge victory party on TV in '83 when we saw someone passing out ballpoint pens with "Edwards '87" engraved on them. We talked about that. How weird that was. '87 was so unbelievably far off. Edwards played craps -- he only played craps. That's the only kind of gambling he did.
How many kids dream of becoming a famous cornerback or safety? None -- they're put on defense, and then they start saying things like offense just draws crowds and that defense is what really wins games -- that having a solid defense is most important. Of course, no team has ever won without scoring -- and it's amazing how easy that is to overlook when you're some defensive secondary guy trying to justify your place in the universe.
That was his idea.
I didn't sleep last night. I cried more than I ever have, I think. I can't ever talk to him again. That's going to take some serious getting over. His email address is still in my phone. Form follows function -- I have to get rid of it. Later.
What are the most important qualities in a friend?
The most important qualities in a friend are loyalty, mental toughness and organizational skills -- in that order. He had me beat in all three -- he always did.
God could not have created a man like Jason. There was no loyalty like his loyalty. If he likes you, he'll do anything for you. I don't mean almost anything. You have never had fun like the fun we always had partying. I absolutely guarantee that. Mardi Gras '95 -- what are the words? There are no more words.

Carnustie in the Car

On the drive over to a 1-2 game the other night, Gene said that he wasn't going to play anything other than premium hands -- and he didn't -- even in a heads-up battle with the tightest poker player in Texas, he chose not to shove in $10 or $20 to protect his top-top.
"I just stuck to my gameplan," he reflected.
John Van de Velde stuck to his gameplan at the British Open's last hole in 1999. All he needed to win the tournament was a 7 on the hole. But he took out his driver on the teebox, and after about half-an-hour of the weirdest golf ever televised, he finished with an 8. All his trouble was caused by his failure to adjust to the situation -- the goal was to win, he needed to change his club and shot selection to play more conservatively and take advantage of his cushion.
And Gene should have played that hand more loosely. He should have been more pragmatic. But "pragmatic" is seldom used to describe people without cardsense-- even less often than French golfers.

St. Patrick's Day

What if you're on a 52-48 draw? What should you do? It depends on the situation, of course -- and what if you're still confused -- what if you've taken everything into account about the chip stacks, the aggression levels, the grins, eyebats, twitches, the stitches in the upholstery holding you above ground, the kings and aces, the faces around the table, the odds, the drawing odds, the pros at odds with the cons, the window reflection, the voice inflection-- what if you still can't decide?
What if you still can't choose a move -- no matter how hard you think about it?
Rob's principle #97: In any confrontation, you should always take into account your opponent's knowledge of British history.
I have a vintage bright orange leisure suit that I don't wear much. Whenever I wonder if this guy or that guy knows his British history (which is surprisingly often), it's a good idea to wear it -- and the best time to wear it is on St. Patrick's Day.
Poker at my place -- it was uneventful. Green beer and orange rayon don't mix.
Five ripe rows of green veggies grow in my garden a quarter mile west -- my call was stressed hours ago, let's go, lepresschan, take flight -- many wise bites forever obey tasty decrees my planted things make for fruitful lives and wisdom's sake-- come restore brawn -- remake presence in the glowing, growing herbs -- sing galic and run west -- loudly, quickly -- respond with me -- our dry lives can too be fun when we chase St Patrick's setting sun.