LOSS

My friend Jason that I grew up with died overseas on March 15th -- I just found out today. He's about five years younger than I am and the first memory I have of him was in his parents' kitchen, with a radio on talking about New Orleans traffic, his asking question after question about the traffic report, with his mother answering patiently and his big sister telling him to shut up and everyone eating cereal with plastic spoons and styrofoam bowls because that's how we rolled in '79.
I have some questions.
What is mankind's place in the universe? To search for & create truth and beauty. What is truth? Truth is what works. What is beauty? The appearance of truth in art. How can I apply that to my life? Recognize that form follows function. When does a boy become a man? It's when he gets a taste for women. When does a man become a grown man? It's when he refines his taste in women. How do you know how well a man sees himself? Look at the woman he's with. How can you tell how a woman feels about herself? You can't.
When did civilization end? Allan Bloom said that happened when Schubert died. Maybe it ended when Jim's diner did away with its smoking section. Anyone who knows Jason understands that it ended on March 15th.
What are the most important qualities in a man?
Jason was a speedbump on my road to poker glory. He never appreciated my game. The last time I played with him was in 2007 in Tunica over labor day weekend. He won more than I did.
Jason had his own lexicon in poker and in life. Like, the sentence "Goat took me for a single with two stinky berries uptown." was a actual remark from Jason in ordinary conversation from that Tunica weekend. In standard English, that translates to "I lost $100 in a hand to a guy who drew a runner-runner heart flush". His opponent was just an acquaintance ("goat") -- the opponent wasn't a really good friend since he wasn't given the status of "dog". The heart suit is the "berry" suit, and anything that happens post-flop happens "uptown".
We were little kids with my parents way back -- watching the Edwin Edwards Baton Rouge victory party on TV in '83 when we saw someone passing out ballpoint pens with "Edwards '87" engraved on them. We talked about that. How weird that was. '87 was so unbelievably far off. Edwards played craps -- he only played craps. That's the only kind of gambling he did.
How many kids dream of becoming a famous cornerback or safety? None -- they're put on defense, and then they start saying things like offense just draws crowds and that defense is what really wins games -- that having a solid defense is most important. Of course, no team has ever won without scoring -- and it's amazing how easy that is to overlook when you're some defensive secondary guy trying to justify your place in the universe.
That was his idea.
I didn't sleep last night. I cried more than I ever have, I think. I can't ever talk to him again. That's going to take some serious getting over. His email address is still in my phone. Form follows function -- I have to get rid of it. Later.
What are the most important qualities in a friend?
The most important qualities in a friend are loyalty, mental toughness and organizational skills -- in that order. He had me beat in all three -- he always did.
God could not have created a man like Jason. There was no loyalty like his loyalty. If he likes you, he'll do anything for you. I don't mean almost anything. You have never had fun like the fun we always had partying. I absolutely guarantee that. Mardi Gras '95 -- what are the words? There are no more words.