CLASS OF 1999

Why do all these alumni parties happen on summer afternoons --it's too hot -- so we went back to her apartment right by the Ole Miss campus, just on the other side of the railroad ravine -- she still lives there even after 10 years -- her apartment has hardly changed -- and because we didn't know what else to talk about, we started talking awkwardly about her little stubby brown plant, set on the floor of her window-free, dark bathroom -- and she said she loved it because it was so cute -- with my telling her to face reality -- it was puny and dying without light -- and her telling me to shut up -- and my reiterating my concern for the plant -- for her sake, mainly -- telling her that it really would die -- that all plants die without light -- and if for some reason it didn't, then it was really a fungus and not even a plant to begin with -- and she said how dare you call my plant a fungus -- and that I haven't grown up or changed at all since college -- and I told her I'm sorry -- but she started crying anyway -- and we drank the rest of the 151 left over after the bananas Foster I had fixed. And the next thing I know we're going an uncomfortable distance down a road off Highway 6 between Pontotoc and Tupelo, headed to some dive-bar she knows about on the far side of nowhere -- a place filled with those sorts of people who think your time is best spent satisfying God, Mama, and Uncle Sam -- in that order, pretty much -- and there's no reason to do anything else -- and if you spent much of your time pursuing other goals, then you're either selfish or misdirected or an agent of Satan or Satan him/herself -- but in any case, you had to be reformed -- and they never told you that even if you cooperated, fully participating in the reformations -- that you could never gain their full acceptance even then -- since you had been more flawed than others who always did have their full acceptance -- and another thing they don't tell you -- or themselves -- is that they'll lose respect for you if you cooperate with them -- at all -- that's understandable -- from everyone's viewpoint -- since every man should know exactly who he is and what he wants and never change that -- and to that point, I am who I am, and I know the key to the good life: Time Management. That's it. Scout's honor. Have a good day.